Meredith Speaks: On Being Called a “Slut”By Merri Leston

I am a slut. Apparently.

This seems to be a problem. A big problem. My enjoyment of sex spares nothing from my parent’s blushes to my career. My sex drive is uncouth, unwomanly and absolutely not to be talked about under any circumstances, because God forbid men find out women like sex too.

However, I don’t understand why your respect for me, and specifically my work, should come at the expense of my sex life. Far from it in fact: shouldn’t a woman empowered enough, and informed enough, to take control of every aspect of her life (to be clear there is no double entendre on take control, guys, quite the contrary) be lauded? Shouldn’t we as a society, moreover, species governed by pubic politics fare more than public politics have more than a caveman relationship with our carnal urges?

But no, apparently because I talk about sex, want sex and have sex I am a bad woman. I have orgasms – how very unfeminine of me.

I think I could just about handle this slight (I mean, after all, societal norms are not indicative of justice ordinarily, why get overly upset about this?) until the world saw Emma Watson’s tits.

Then things got personal. Then you slut shamed feminism.

Emma Watson owning a pair of tits, and god forbid taking a picture where they could *almost* be seen, was justification enough to discredit her entire portfolio of accomplishments. This surely is the ‘embodiment’ of a public figure being disgraced by their humanity. 

Feminism has been tarred with the man-hating brush of late, and I think Watsongate is the perfect opportunity to remind us all women have as much responsibility, and therefore culpability, in bringing about change as men. Feminism is not about victims. Feminism is about change, equality of opportunity and the fall of patriarchy, not segregation. An important part of this is owning up to the very real role women play in perpetuating their own subjugation. Intrasexual warfare, I believe in many ways, is as violent and discriminatory as its intersexual counterpart. Slut-shaming Emma Watson was a female sport. Women, too, cement the dogma, and yoke, of ‘femininity’.

Quotas are powerful things but why do women accept them? Worse still, why do women facilitate them? The boardroom is a battlefield where women, aware that where men make the rules women are not often allowed to play, target each other, perpetuating the ‘bitchy businesswomen’ stereotype. The men complain of cattiness and the pussy makes no riot. Women deal in shame: bodies are scrutinized, desire is deemed desperation and the working mother (‘with the nanny, oh my god – is she even married?) is vilified. We do this to ourselves, we cannot deny it. If we want change, just as women, feminist or not, we must act by example. Why blame Dan Bilzerian for being an utter tool if we want to be used? Being ‘chosen’ remains the prize of womanhood. From childhood, our ego depends on whether Prince Charming can get off his arse and climb our tower (now more metaphorical than literal, probably all our ‘problems’). Until female success goes beyond the affections, or orgasms, of others we will continue to sell ourselves short and our self-esteem will never be truly ours.   

So then, let’s talk about sex.

Sex is a commodity for men alone. If a woman uses her sexuality, and gosh, even profits from it she is a whore. If a woman’s sexuality is used and exploited by men she may be revered, though strictly as an object. A man selling a woman’s sex produces a playboy bunny. A woman selling her own sex produces a bunny boiler.

The furthest sexual empowerment goes for women is the Herbal Essences commercial. Masturbation remains taboo, orgasms remain un-had and blowjobs remain strictly for men. There ain’t no tit for tat here, folks. But hey, at least Brexit has made ‘lying back and thinking of England’ a bit more interesting.

So why, why, are women at the forefront against sexual empowerment? Why must I be continually cock-blocked by the tutting of my friends? Why do we continue to unite sex with morality but only ever in the case of women? To be honest, I think I’d even pick a red wedding over a white one.

You know what – I am bored. I am bored of this double standard amongst my gender, wanting equality but perpetuating inequality. Bemoaning sluts but moaning during Fifty Shades of Grey. I’m done pretending I am sanctimonious, that I don’t watch porn and I only ever give my boyfriend a blowjob on his birthday. Oh, and my underwear drawer is my prized possession, fuck you very much.

I am a woman. I am a feminist. I like sex. There is nothing wrong about this equation. Using my body, to clarify my body, and more to the point enjoy using it is not in anyway in conflict with feminism. Sex is the most important part of being human. It, alongside breathing and shitting, is what means we’re alive. My sex drive may be the Ferrari to your Ford but you know what? It is my choice, it is my consent, it is my health and it is my sex.

Stigma cannot survive education, that is a fundamental truth. The problem is, the less we talk about sex, the less we educate about sex, the more dangerous it becomes. We have blacklisted sex, is it any wonder it has become black-market too? We degrade the LGBTQ community by the absence of homosexual sexual education and we endanger ourselves as sexual assault remains something that only happens to other people.

Sex is not ugly. Sex is not embarrassing. Sex is actually pretty fucking great. So get over yourselves (or under, as you’d rather). Leave judgment to your parents. Embrace sex within feminism, not outside of it. In a world where female ejaculation is illegal it is up to us as women to demand more not only from our men but from each other.

I am a feminist. I am not a female eunich.

I am a slut. Apparently.

Lucky me.